Good vibes, no wanking

SHAY MILLS
Opinions Editor

If there was anything I never expected to see in college, a “No Masturbation” notice would be the first on my list. Too bad they actually exist, well sort of.
According to HuffPost College, schools from all over the country have been posting letters mandating that students avoid masturbating in the shower.
The story behind these notices came from a significant buildup of semen and pubic hair in shower pipes, causing anywhere from $700 to $7000 in damages.
Now of course, these notices are a part of a school prank made especially for freshman boys. This is college; one should be able to masturbate whenever and wherever, in reason, if they please. However, you cannot deny that this isn’t the most outrageous prank a college can think of.
Believe it or not, two years ago, our very own campus posted a fair share of masturbation notices. My first thoughts were, is this new? Was this done by a student or was the faculty in on this?
Why isn’t this done every year?
Apparently, this prank originated over six years ago.
It is not just for small colleges like ours either. Large universities like Penn State and Baylor have put up masturbation signs all over the halls and bathrooms.
Even though using school trademarks on fake notices is against many schools’ code of conduct, this is one hoax that does not seem to get old.
The idea of telling boys they are not allowed to choke the chicken in the shower as a prank is an awesome idea, but it also makes me wonder what other pranks can be done and why pranks don’t occur more often.
Yes, we are in college and yes, we attend a prestigious liberal arts school, but who says we cannot have wild college fun like we all see in the movies. What about soap and water slip and slides in the dorm hallways during homecoming? Or maybe we could even skip the undie run and just go streaking one night before school lets out for summer vacation?
These days all that ever happens on this campus are bonfires and registered parties that end before 1 am. I am not saying those are not fun activities, but we only get four years here. Along with great GPAs, amazing scholastic achievements and long hours of community service and volunteer work, college should be filled with all the stories you are going to tell your children and grandchildren about.
I say we start making it worthwhile. Next up, fake “No Sex before Finals” letters because it apparently wipes your memory for the next 24 hours.

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