Mafia flock

SHAY MILLS
Opinions Editor

When there is a deer in the road, it moves. The deer may give you an idiotic look at first, but nonetheless it will move and allow you to pass. When there is a dog in the road, it removes itself from the situation before you even reach it. When there is a goose in the road, it yells at you and tells all of its friends to join in.
The geese on this campus have multiplied rapidly over the past few months and have become quite a problem. I first noticed the geese this past winter when they stopped me from entering Village II after Christmas break. Not only did the geese and I make eye contact, but we made eye contact and no progress, meaning I was sitting in the road staring at an evil goose hoping it would catch the hint that I wanted it and its family to get out of my way. At first I found it interesting that I had never seen that many geese together in my life. But after a whole five minutes had passed, I became fed up and bombarded my way through the gang.
After that, I began to feel like the geese were haunting me. There was not a single sidewalk in my village that was not covered in geese poop. The last time I checked, grass was for pooping, not cement. These geese were clearly trying to prove a point. And they obviously did not know that quiet hours started at 11 p.m. because all I could hear was “geese convo” outside my window while I was trying to sleep at night. Anytime I cannot concentrate on my own thoughts at night, there is a serious problem. I started throwing rocks at them around that time so maybe they would take their geese gab somewhere else.
My method worked for a couple of months, but now the geese are back in action and just as annoying as before. I can no longer walk in the grass without praying that I do not get poop on my foot. Not to mention the trouble they give my teammates and me during practice. There are too many stories to tell. Just know that the difference between a fast 200 meter run and a slow 200 meter run is 50 geese giving you the finger while they slowly and arrogantly cross your path.
Honestly, I believe they are secretly planning to take over the school. If you notice, the frogs have left, there is a major decrease in crickets and even the bear coon has yet to come out and show his face. That is all because they do not have a vendetta against the school. The geese do. They are planning to swarm in one morning, scoop up anyone in their path, take them to the middle of nowhere and leave them there. Do not ask me how I know; I just do. And where will I be when all of this is happening? I will be in my room.
If it was up to me, I would have any goose stopped in someone’s way shot on the spot. However, because I have no control over executive campus decisions (yet), I say we find ways to get the geese to go somewhere else. Or we can just go with the brilliant idea of feeding them rice everyday so they will eventually explode and never be seen again. That sounds good to me.

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